Growing up, my mom used to ask us to scrub our hearts with Vim to get rid of bad thoughts or ill feelings such as jealousy. She didn't mean it literally of course but she says it all the time. 

Today i was cleaning the pot in the kitchen and saw how black the base was. The normal sponge and dishwasher couldn't do the job, no matter how hard i scrub. So i switched to the scourer and Cif cream (i don't think they sell Vim anymore nowadays) and had a go with it. 

Soon enough, the black stains start to melt and chip away revealing the 'so-called' stainless steel beneath it. And i remembered what my mom said.

And it's true. Imagine our hearts to be the pot. If you don't clean it properly, soon the black spot will grow bigger and cover your whole heart. By then, you have a dirty heart and you'll find it hard to do good deeds. 

So you have to clean it, and you need to use the right tools. Of course good thoughts and being positive would help, but when you meditate with proper dzikr and the right prayers, it works better and faster. 

P/s: this is not a product placement. 

Saying goodbye to Mr Darcy...

Then there he was. Perfect. So yes, i have met the perfect man. There is such a thing. And he was not without flaws. While his flaws were countless and apparent, somehow it all added up to make him, "him". He checked all the boxes and more. He opened my eyes to things i never knew were important. I did not fall in love with him. For the act was not accidental. Instead, i dived into him. Learned about him and studied him. The further i dived, the deeper i felt for him. And it felt so real. So tangible. I was consciously loving him and all that he is. Admiring his greatness, marveling at his ambitions, sympathising at his losses, rooting for his causes... But I dived too far and too deep in such a short time. Too caught up with my whirlpool of discoveries that i lost sight of the sky. When suddenly the pressure downed me like i was gravity. I couldn't see what was pressing me but i felt the pressure and soon enough, i was gasping for air. I have never chased a guy in my life. Never had to since most of the men i fall for were fictional characters. And never wanted to since i never felt comfortable to. I guess this part of me is still very traditional. But i reached out. With him, i did try -in my own prudish ways. Afterall, if he is all that i ever wanted, I must be willing to lose a bit, right? So i mustered every little courage i had to ask him about his day. I was so worked up on such a simple yet important task. I was ready. I was on fire. I was all positive. I was electric. And just like that, he defused me. Then it hit me, hard. I was too enthralled by the idea of him being my perfect companion that it sided how i might not have checked his boxes. And as we all know, love, relationships and ultimately marriage, is an affair of two people. Both parties need to work to make it happen. One (however enthusiastic) party can not sail a relation-"ship" alone. So, i had to swallow that bitter pill of reality. I have to change my project. Need to convince myself that he isn't the one for me. To tell me that all i have seen of him, all that i learned of him had been calculated. His affairs and life that was presented to me had been products of a campaign. His true flaws could be showing outside the frames of his truth. I need to tell me anything and everything it takes to make the journey back to earth a bearable one. But such is life, isn't it? Who am i kidding? Perhaps this is karma. I have worn those heels on his feet many times before. Being in a position to turn people away. There is no right way to do it. No matter what the excuse, rejection is going to hurt. But not for long. Cuz life is indeed short. And i have other things to think about now. And more important life issues that require my utmost attention. So yet again, love will have to wait. The love and affections i have right now should suffice. The end. For now.

Book Review: Elizabeth is Missing

One of my two grandmothers turns 81 this year. While she is still considerably healthy, due to the side effect of a certain medicine she used to take, her memory now fails her. I found it difficult to accept. With her young looks and seemingly fit physics, it is hard to believe that she could forget so many things. New things! And i noticed that she starts telling lies. She was hoarding tissues and water bottles in her room. And from being the active person that she once was, she's becoming lazy and boring. Then i found this book. By chance. And it has helped me understand what she was going through so much. I learned that she wasn't lying, she just got her facts mixed up. She wasn't hoarding, she just forgot that she has the stuff already. She wasn't lazy or boring, she's just... Old. Well, they say life is a learning process. And that is indeed the truth. So sometimes, other people's experiences, novels even fictions, can be the cliff's notes to your own life's challenges. Guiding, explaining and preparing you things in advance. What to expect, what to anticipate and maybe how to act. Reading is like feeding your thoughts, so what you read will nourish your knowledge. So choose what you read. There's nothing wrong with reading fictions or any sort of literature. As long as you read it with an open mind.

Jagung

Mau yang panjang atau yang pendek, Terserah saja maunya anda, Mau yang besar atau yang kecil, Yang tua enak... Yang muda asyik... Satu per satu, dikupas kulitnya, Setelah itu kelihatan isinya, Janganlah lupa buang bulu-bulunya, Itulah dia buah JAGUNG namanya! 😆😆😆😆😆😆 #jagung #corn #dangdut #funny #ambiguous #what #green #malaysia #indonesia

Friday Feast

Friday Feast. When i was a kid, I never quite liked Fridays. Because that's the day we have to cut our nails( i always wanted them long like Madonna's), Ustazah mengaji would come over and the weather is always hot (i remember thinking that's the reason it got its name, Fry-Day). But the great thing about Fridays is, we always have a feast. Friday means good lunch. Since it's the weekend, and we have later lunchtime, we have more time to prepare a good feast compared to other days. Even when we don't cook, it used to be the day my father brings back Nasi Biryani. I love Nasi Biryani. Well, now that i'm older, i've learned that Fridays is so much more than feasting. Especially as a Muslim. It is jammed packed with goodness and blessings that it has grown to be my favourite day of the week. Eventhough it's still really hot sometimes...

"And i.... i want to share, all my love... with you.... " Today, my love comes in the from of Miang Kum! A special Thai appetiser(?!) To enjoy it, you must first fold in little amounts of the cubed condiments on the left. The condiments are cubed onions, ginger, and lime. Then sprinkle with dried baby shrimps, toasted peanut and toasted coconut and a glob of some gooey sweetsauce. And of course optionally, you can bite a bit of bird's eye chilli for some excitement! Lol! Result: An explosion of flavour on your tongue. This is what i call a taste of truly Asia! Truly Thailand! Among the other things i tried at the Thai Fest in Kuala Terengganu! From left: Yamama (instant noodle salad), fish cake, thai omelette, manggo salad, sticky rice with mango and coconut milk! #sawadeekap #love #food #asia #trulyasia #thailand #miangkum

Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun... Al-Fatihah... This morning, the sun greeted us with a very sad news. My father's little sister, Sharifah Zainab AlZawawi has left us. My aunt was an exceptionally kind person. She was sweet and loving was always smiling. Everyone knew her as such. It is a great lost for the family and we pray that her soul now rests amongst the muslimin... amin. For she was like a flower So pink so delicate The symbol of beauty And pretty pretty things She was a princess Who've married her prince charming And lived her ever after In a holy land afar I will always remember Her blooming seasons Before she wilted Then left us forever..