Single Muslim Female

In many ways, the reason of my relationship status is by my own choice. So sometimes I don't get why people feel sorry for me.

Yes it is lonely at times but I would rather be lonely knowing that I'm alone rather than lonely while having someone beside me. For I have experienced both and the latter is worse. 

The same goes to people who think I am too choosey for my own good. I do get that a lot from people saying, "the reason you're single is because you are too choosey".  I wonder how they got to that conclusion but I won't go so far as to say that they are completely wrong. Yes, I am rather selective when it comes to choosing my partner particularly one who might as well be my future husband. But shouldn't we all be? If you take marriage as seriously as I do, shouldn't you at least consider if the man in question is compatible enough for you? 

There was a time when I was certain that I wanted to marry the first man who asked for my hand. Because I thought that was how life was intended to be. Finish my education and  my parents would arrange someone for me to marry and I'll live happily ever after. 

But as years go by, you realise that not all men appreciate marriage the way I was taught to believe. If it was somehow guaranteed that the man I marry would stick with me through thick and thin and be responsible for all my life, then I would revert back to my innocent idea of marriage.

But there's no guarantee right? 

When I was growing up, i thought marriage is the epitome of happiness. Every love story regardless of how boring the storyline is will end in marriage. Or rather, marriage is the start of a wonderful beautiful journey between 2 people. That's not always true of course because sometimes they argue and they fight but somehow they'll work it out. Because being married is more important than being right. Because when 2 people get married, their mission and vision become one. There is no way out of marriage. You just work it out. 

But then as I grow older, I realise that not everyone gets a happy ending with marriage. Some people start their suffering the moment they say "I do" while others might find their happiness fade along the way.

And for that reason, I grow weary of marriage. I am fearful. I leave it to God as everyone else. But I no longer rush myself towards marriage or be worried as to why I am not married. For I believe that everything is as God has intend it to be and I should not be concern of things that are beyond my means. 

While I do wish that one day I shall have someone to share my life with and care for and be in love with, at the moment I shall busy myself with loving those who are already with me in my life. And i have come to accept that no matter how 'perfect' you make yourself to be, married life isn't promised to everyone. Some couples are made in heaven, and maybe some partners wait for us there. There many other more accomplished and prepared women i know out there who are not married and i think nothing less of them compared to the ones who are. And honestly, they don't make me feel so bad about my life. So it's alright. Let God do His thing and let us do what we are made to do. In the mean time, i'll just enjoy this life i have been blessed with.