Saying goodbye to Mr Darcy...

Then there he was. Perfect. So yes, i have met the perfect man. There is such a thing. And he was not without flaws. While his flaws were countless and apparent, somehow it all added up to make him, "him". He checked all the boxes and more. He opened my eyes to things i never knew were important. I did not fall in love with him. For the act was not accidental. Instead, i dived into him. Learned about him and studied him. The further i dived, the deeper i felt for him. And it felt so real. So tangible. I was consciously loving him and all that he is. Admiring his greatness, marveling at his ambitions, sympathising at his losses, rooting for his causes... But I dived too far and too deep in such a short time. Too caught up with my whirlpool of discoveries that i lost sight of the sky. When suddenly the pressure downed me like i was gravity. I couldn't see what was pressing me but i felt the pressure and soon enough, i was gasping for air. I have never chased a guy in my life. Never had to since most of the men i fall for were fictional characters. And never wanted to since i never felt comfortable to. I guess this part of me is still very traditional. But i reached out. With him, i did try -in my own prudish ways. Afterall, if he is all that i ever wanted, I must be willing to lose a bit, right? So i mustered every little courage i had to ask him about his day. I was so worked up on such a simple yet important task. I was ready. I was on fire. I was all positive. I was electric. And just like that, he defused me. Then it hit me, hard. I was too enthralled by the idea of him being my perfect companion that it sided how i might not have checked his boxes. And as we all know, love, relationships and ultimately marriage, is an affair of two people. Both parties need to work to make it happen. One (however enthusiastic) party can not sail a relation-"ship" alone. So, i had to swallow that bitter pill of reality. I have to change my project. Need to convince myself that he isn't the one for me. To tell me that all i have seen of him, all that i learned of him had been calculated. His affairs and life that was presented to me had been products of a campaign. His true flaws could be showing outside the frames of his truth. I need to tell me anything and everything it takes to make the journey back to earth a bearable one. But such is life, isn't it? Who am i kidding? Perhaps this is karma. I have worn those heels on his feet many times before. Being in a position to turn people away. There is no right way to do it. No matter what the excuse, rejection is going to hurt. But not for long. Cuz life is indeed short. And i have other things to think about now. And more important life issues that require my utmost attention. So yet again, love will have to wait. The love and affections i have right now should suffice. The end. For now.